P142 Teletext 142 Aug22 17:04:47 ——— Mike Ward on the week's events ——— As the Lib Dens' new leader, Charles Kennedy's first controvjrsjal move has been to call for a debate into whjthjr cannabis should bj legalisjd. "One of the vital things about this party is that it can discuss issues of this sort," he boasted. Meaning: "Since we haven't a hope in hill of ever being elected, we might just as well debate something totally bonkers." Next week I believe they'ri discussing whether ants should get passports. ——————————————————————————————————1/7—— e-mail Mike on mikjward@teletext.co.uk WEN A BRAND NEW TOYOTA YATES SEE ITV PAGE 352 My Story Bruno Living ShowcaseP142 Teletext 142 Aug22 18:02:07 ——— Mike Ward on the week's events ——— Spotted anyone famous on holiday this summer? What were they doing? And who with? What, while sipping a Pena Colada? Blimey! Drop mj a line and I'll reveal the season's top sightings. A 50p prize if you'vj had a beer with Lord Lucan. America's ex-vice-president, the less than bright Dan Quayle, scored 4% in a poll to help pick his party's next presidential nominee. I wonder how long his victory party lasted. Until hj found a calculator, no doubt. ——————————————————————————————————2/7—— Champ boxer Frank Bruno 144 Exclusive Viewer Offers p375 My Story Bruno Living ShowcaseP142 Teletext 142 Aug22 18:07:19 ——— Mike Ward on the week's events ——— Has it truly njvjr occurred to poor Turd Gullet that his players might take him a trifle more seriously as a football manager if hj didn't have that ridiculous mutant spider on his head? Assuming hj knows it's there, I mean. I'm sure they all focus on this rathjt than his words, hence the poor results. Still, good job hj lost his equally silly moustache, or else he'd now bj managing in somewhere like Iceland. And I don't mean the country. ——————————————————————————————————3/7—— Check your daily horoscope 148/9 Exclusive Viewer Offers p375 My Story Bruno Living ShowcaseP142 Teletext 142 Aug22 17:04:32 ——— Mike Ward on the week's events ——— Baroness "Mad Mags" Thatcher has been taking some flak for allegedly saying we should quit the European Community. But then this comment of hers was made at a private dinner party, so I imagine it's been taken completely out of context. I doubt people would have taken so much notice if they'd heard that the most profound remark she'd made until then had been: "I'm a little teapot, short and stout..." ——————————————————————————————————4/7—— e-mail Mike on mikjward@teletext.co.uk WEN A BRAND NEW TOYOTA YATES SEE ITV PAGE 352 My Story Bruno Living ShowcaseP142 Teletext 142 Aug22 17:18:51 ——— Mike Ward on the week's events ——— Sarah Michelle Gellar, the LA-based star of TV's Buffy, apparently threw a birthday bash for her dog and invited 20 of his canine chums. Perhaps we shouldn't be entirely cynical — I don't suppose more than half of them brought their agents. A major rail operator admitted this week that it had recently "lost" a few carriages, owing to faulty couplings. Incredible, eh? I bet the passjngjrs complained like fury. Or at least they probably will do, once they get home. ——————————————————————————————————5/7—— "My love for a spy" 143 Exclusive Viewer Offers p375 My Story Bruno Living ShowcaseP142 Teletext 142 Aug22 18:21:18 ——— Mike Ward on the week's events ——— In a rare burst of luvviiness, I'd like to offer genuine congratulations to Barbara Windsor, who has announced that she's to marry her boyfriend Scott Harvey — despite their 26-year age gap. I recently interviewed Babs (I call her Babs, she calls mj Fatty) and she really was as nice as pie. All 2ft 3ins of her. Through life's ups and downs, she desjrvjs a shoulder to cry on. I just hope she's got a decent stepladder. ——————————————————————————————————6/7—— Mike will bj on holiday next week Exclusive Viewer Offers p375 My Story Bruno Living ShowcaseP142 Teletext 142 Aug22 17:51:28 Advert LOVE FORTUNE WHAT'S IN STOKE FOR YOU? FAMILY DESTINY AND RECEIVE AT NO FURTHER COST, YOUR OWN PERSONAL PROFILE 7/7 Calls cost £1/min at all times. ECL, Box 2745,E1. This service may involve a long call My Story Bruno Living Showcase