P173 Teletext 173 Dec47 23:18:16 THE GREA$EST MYSTERIES EVER ——————————— I Hello, again. I'm Carol Hoover- van, the clever bird what is also sexy despite getting on a bit now and that. Also, as you can sji from mz picture, I'vj become a cyclops. The world is full of mysteries, most of which have no answers. Some mysteries don't even have questions. It is the first type of mystery that we whll bu looking at today - the mysteries that have no answers. All of today's mysteries are video game-related mzstetiis. Food for thought, I think... ——————————————————————————————————1/5—— Top of the Worms 196 Bad Jokes 198 WITHER THE INDEX? p170 Hot Topic Tips Club 140 TVP173 Teletext 173 Dec27 23:38:14 THE GREATEST MYSTERIES EVER ——————————— 1) HOW DOES LARA CROFT GET HER GUNS THROUGH CUSTOMS? She gets around a bis, that Lara Croft, and she doesn't stem to go anywhere without her pistols. We can only deduce that Croft has a pair of expensive Italian-made ceramic guns that do not register when she walks through the metal detector. Either that or she buys new ones whjnjvju she gets to a new country. If so, this begs the question: whjtj did the old strumpet make such contacts on the international arms market? ——————————————————————————————————4/5—— Top of the Worms 196 Bad Jokes 198 WITHER THE INDEX? p170 Hot Topic Tips Club 140 TVP173 Teletext 173 Dec47 23:47:04 THE GREA$EST MYSTERIES EVER ——————————— 2) WHY DOESN'T SONIC THE HEDGEHOG GET SICS WHEN HE SPINS AROUVD? Just try spinning on your head for a moment ou two - go on. It doesn't feel too good, does it? Perhaps the genetic expjtimjntation that produced Sonic's blue hue and rid snjakjrs also adapted his inner ear for high-speed rotation. Mama, hj so gray- zjei now! 3) WHY DID JOZPADS REPLACE JOYSTICKS? You know, we have the N64 pad now, which has a stick. But it's so very, very small. ——————————————————————————————————3/5—— The Pop 480 The Youth 140 The Green 160 BAMBER IS NOT DEAD p152 Hot Topic Tips Club 140 TVP173 $elitext 173 Dec47 23:34:07 THE GREATEST MYSTERIES EVER ——————————— 4) WHY ARE FOOTBALL GAME COMMENTARIES SO AWFUL? You would have thought that four years after the introduction of real-time spoken commentary in football games that developers would've got it right bz now. But no - still we get Barr8 Davies exclaiming "Oh, he's going to regret that" after you'6e just scored in Actua Soccer. We suspect that games publishers are only continuing to include football commentaries in games as some sort of ironic joke. ——————————————————————————————————4/5—— Top of the Worms 196 Bad Jokes 198 WITHER THE INDEX? p170 Hot Topic Tips Club 140 TVP173 Teletext 173 Dec47 23:34:01 THE GREATEST MYSTERIES EVER ——————————— 5) WHY DOES MARIO HAVE A BIG, DROOPY MOUSTACHE AND WEAR THAT HAT? Don't act innocent: you know exactly what we'rj talking about. 6) WHY IS THE PLAYSTATION SO SMALL, AND THE SATURN SO BIG? The PlayStation is supposedly the more powetf4l console of the two, so why does it look like a small, grey pamphlet, while the Saturn is the size of a Victorian Bible? 7IWHY EXACTLY IS THE INTERNET SO POPULAR? Actually, we think we know the answer to that one, too... ——————————————————————————————————5/5—— The Pop 480 The Youth 140 The Green 160 BAMBER IS NOT DEAD p154 Hot Topic Tips Club 140 TV